And I will. I feel like there is a spring in my step. A giggle hidden under my tongue. A whisper stirring with something great just around the corner. I don't havea fear in the world. I want adventure. And I know it's coming. Because life is beautiful and it is good.
When the term was over, a few of my friends and I who were left in Corvallis went out to the Peacock.
Aubrey, Nakalan, me, Rose, and Janae
Me, Rose, and Janae
Listening to Rose Karaoke!
Yummy Red Drinks with a little jello with Nae.
Then while I was in San Jose, I got to spend some time with some lovely friends from high school.
Us in High School. What BABIES we were!
Me, John, and Angela (classic foot-pop of course!)
Connor, Me, John, and Angela all grown up and older.
Angela and I having Pizza at Z-Pizza in Mountain View
So weird, but I'm thankful these people are still in my life. It was good to catch up with them, remissness a little, and just spend some time with good people laughing our brains out playing telephone pictionary.
Yes, so I'm a little behind in terms of the timing of this post. Forgive me. A couple of days ago, I was reading in Luke. The story of how Mary was told about her son, Jesus, is absolutely beautiful to me. It sounds crazy! A virgin foretold to give birth to the Son of God? Um, okay. But really! And it happened, in the most beautiful way imaginable.
In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.” Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”
“How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?”
The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be calledthe Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. For no word from God will ever fail.”“I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her.
Luke 1:29-38
The passage goes on to talk about how Mary goes to tell her cousin, Elizabeth, what the Lord has showed her. Can you imagine what an odd situation that would be? The faith Mary and Elizabeth had to have had! Then at my church, Pastor Seth talked about Mary. WOW. Then my blogger friend, Molly blogged about Mary, too! I love when God works out things that way. :)
This verse really stuck out to me.
"Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished" Luke 1:45
Then I was watching tv casually at my parents house when Evan Almighty came on. One of those movies you've seen a few times, but you watch it anyway. So this video clip came on, and it just really spoke to me.
One of my great friends from Canby Grove, Shock (or Keith) had an experience with God during our beach retreat. He was surrounded by feathers on the beach, which represented opportunities. To this day, everytime I see a feather, I see an opportunity. But the reality is, every moment of every day is an opportunity.
On Saturday, I got up early and made the drive to my dear friend Emily's house, where I parked my car and got a ride to Portland Airport. Then I waited in lines, went through security, and found my gate. I read about 1/4 of Captivating while waiting in the airport. (such a great book by the way!) Then I landed in Las Vegas, NV and had a bit of a layover. I then read more of Captivating. I boarded my next plane and sat next to the most precious Grandma ever.
Her name was Diana. She went on and on about her grandchildren and how proud she is of them. Through talking, we found out we were both believers. We went on to talk about faith and how too many Christians and people within the church get so bent up on differences of beliefs, when all that matters is believing in the Son. I went on to tell her what I'm studying in school and what I hope to do with it. She must have been an angel, if not, God definately used her as some encouragement. She told me that she can just tell from my spirit that God is going to use me and I am going to make a big impact with my future career. That was so heart-warming and it really meant a lot to me! In the end, that is my desire. To be used by God. So funny how little tiny things like that stay with you.
While on the plane, I also got to see the sun setting from above the clouds. The sky was a masterpiece of beautiful and rich reds, oranges, and yellows. God is so amazing.
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let ?em out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away
And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do
It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret
[From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/r/rascal-flatts-lyrics/what-hurts-the-most-lyrics.html]
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin' so much to say
(Much to say)
And watchin' you walk away
And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do, oh
Oh yeah
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
(To say)
And watchin' you walk away
And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do
Not seein' that lovin' you
That's what I was trying to do, ooo
I stumbled upon this video because a few of my friends have been posting it on facebook. Please watch it with an open mind. My heart really goes out to this kid.
This kid is only in 8th grade. He says he started cutting himself in 2nd grade. 2nd?! That breaks my heart. It makes me wonder how many of the kids I counseled at camp in 2010 were really really hurting and I didn't know. I tend to think kids are kids and that they are happy. But this video shows how wrong I was. Now, I'm not saying every kid is like this guy. But this is devastating to watch.
If you know me, you know I ask why for just about everything. My friends joke that I never grew out of that three-year-old phase where you ask why for everything. I like to understand how things work, why they are the way they are, and what not. I guess that is why I ask why for every question under the sun.
Today in church, Pastor Seth talked about the Greatness of God. One key he pointed out at the end of his message really stuck out to me. He was talking about how when people are really suffering, others tend to say things like, "God is in control" or "this is just a part of God's plan." And while God being in control is true, that doesn't make pain any less painful. God is in control, but that doesn't mean that God desires everything that happens. It does mean, however, that God can work redempitvely through every single situation. No matter what happens, God is bigger. Seth then opened up to the Word to show the cries of some believers truely truely suffering with what God is doing.
"My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long?" Psalm 6:3
"How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, 'Violence!' but you do not save?" Habbakuk 1:2
These verses show the question believers should ask God is, "how long?" instead of why. I can honestly say I have asked God why things are happening to me, why I'm facing this, etc etc. But within the past two years, I have grown enough to trust in my Father that I haven't asked that question. I always had enough faith and knowedge of God's character to be able to see past my own pain to know God was up to something I could not understand. Just like children trust their parents, I trust my Father.
The thing I find most interesting is that I ask almost all my friends why, why why. But, within the midst of my struggles, I have never asked God why. I fully believe my Father has my back and I trust Him to pull me through. I trust that He is for my good. I trust that this is temporary. I also believe my trust comes directly from knowing the character of God. Since September 1st, when my life shattered apart as I knew it, I have made a point to spend time with God every single day. I desire to know Him. And the more time I spend with Him, the more I love him. The more I want him.
