30 days of Thankfulness: Day 24

Day 24: I'm thankful for blogging.
I'm thankful for the community of people and amazing women I follow. I'm thankful for the friends I've come to know and love through blogging. I'm thankful for the inspiration, encouragement and love. I'm thankful for the very small group of people who follow my blog.

Saying that, I decided to announce that after 30 days of Thankfulness, I think I'm going to stop blogging. My blog has reached its free space limit and I feel like I'm running out of things to say and share. I love to write, but I'm not sure this is the place to do it anymore. Maybe one day I'll start a new blog, but for now I'm closing the door.

30 days of thankfulness : I'm behind about a week...

Day 16: I'm thankful for fun times with friends I get to see as much as I want to! I got to meet up with Anna on Friday for a drink and it was a much needed night out with lots of laughter.

Day 17: I'm thankful for the luxury I have to live in a nice home with good friends.

Day 18: I'm thankful for food. My friends and I got together for a pre-thanksgiving feast and it was yummy!

Day 19: I'm thankful for cuddles and kisses on the forehead. Although this sounds like a Greg reference, it is not. Monday night at Bible Study, we all cuddled and prayed together and it was a really nice time. I kissed Lacey on the forehead and it meant a lot to her. :)

Day 20: I'm thankful for prayer. I'm on the prayer team in my college group, and I am available during the service to pray with those who need it. I really enjoy this time. This week, I had a good friend of mine approach me for prayer and it really meant a lot to me to pray to God with her.

Day 21: I'm thankful for Lacey. (she's one of my roommates!) She's so sweet and loving. I am so blessed to live with this wonderful woman of the Lord. She stayed in town an extra night and made me a yummy dinner just so I wouldn't have to be alone in our house all by myself for several days.

Day 22: I'm thankful for a community away from "home" to spend Holidays with. Greg's family and friends invited me to spend Thanksgiving with them and it was a BIG blessing. There were lots of laughs, new games, and excellent food. That is what I consider a good Holiday.

Day 23: I'm thankful for new experiences. Today, I got to go wine tasting with Greg and his parents. I didn't like the wine we tasted all too much, but it was a new experience, and I enjoyed that I got to do it with Greg!

30 days of Thankfulness: Day 15

Day 15: I'm thankful for my brain.

I'm thankful that my brain works. I'm thankful that I can think critically and have opinions about things. I'm thankful I go to a University where I am challenged to form and have my own opinion about every topic imaginable. I'm down right thankful for my mind and my ability to learn, grow, and imagine with it.

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 14

Day 14: today I am thankful for heated blankets and sunshine that streams in the windows.

I'm thankful for breaks in the rain and very chilly fall weather. I'm thankful for the warm drinks I get to consume, the fires I get to sit by, and the blankets I get to cuddle up under. And the sweet, special people I get to do those things with. :)

30 days of Thankfulness: day 13

Day 13: Today I am thankful for my family.

I'm thankful for the support of my family. There is no way I would be able to be successful at what I'm doing if it wasn't for these people. I'm thankful for how quirky we are. I'm thankful for how we watch insane amounts of football. I'm thankful for my mom and how she keeps the peace. I'm thankful for how we talk about our issues honestly. I'm thankful for the yummy food we make in the kitchen together. I'm thankful for my dad and how he is almost always the voice of reality. I'm thankful for how our family traditions change almost every year. I'm thankful for my brother and his ability to be able to fix just about everything.

We're a crazy bunch, but I sure do love them.

30 days of thankfulness:day 12

Day 12: today I am thankful for rain.

I love rain. Sometimes. You know, when it's not wet, or cold, or coming out of the sky. But really, I do love rain. And I have to because I live in a place in the country where it rains A LOT. I love rain because I chained my perspective. Rain is beautiful in it's own way. It falls from the sky and makes beautiful sounds and smells. Sometimes once is starts, it never stops. It reminds me of Gods grace. We can't do anything to make it come or go-it just is given to us freely. And it makes us beautiful, new, and clean.

God is in the rain.

30 days of Thankfulness: Day 11

Day 11: I am thankful for alcohol.

Seems like an odd thing to be thankful for, but I got to spend the day brewing beer with Greg and I really enjoyed it. I mean, its Greg. :) I always enjoy spending time with him. I'm thankful for the yummy drinks I can make and the time I get to spend with friends while enjoying a drink.

30 days of Thankfulness: 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

Day 6: I am thankful for the election of a new President in the United States. I am thankful that I got to vote and my vote counted. I am thankful for being able to have a say in who runs the country I call home.

Day 7: I am thankful for the opportunity and ability to go to class. I had class pretty late on Wednesday (like I do every week) and I am thankful for the ability I have to learn.

Day 8: I am thankful for the opportunity to have a babysitting job. I love the afternoons I get to spend with these kiddos. They make me smile, laugh, and even get ginormous bruises on my arms.

Day 9: I am thankful for Jesus. I am thankful for his never-ending love for me. I am thankful for His grace and how He has saved me. I would absolutely not be where I am today with the grace and love that has been given to me through God.

Day 10: I'm thankful for yummy food. Really yummy food.

30 days of Thankfulness: Day 5

Day 5: Today I am thankful for warm fall weather.

The weather has been foggy and fall like and I enjoyed the high of 64 degrees today. Its nice to sleep in shorts and be able to not wear socks cuz my poor little toes feel like they will chip off at any moment.

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 3 & 4

Day 3: I am thankful for Oregon State University football and the win of the Beavers. 7-1!

Day 4: I am thankful for Greg and how much he cares about me and made an effort to have quality time with me this weekend. :) (and help me study for a killer test I have today!)

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 2

I failed at writing yesterday, so this is for November 2nd.

I am thankful to live in the Willamette Valley in Oregon. Where the leaves change pretty colors. Where we experience all types of weather in one day. Where I get to experience seasons. Where for class, I get to walk around campus and look at trees. Where I have the opportunity to go to Oregon State University.

30 Days of Thankfulness

For November, I like to think of one thing everyday to be thankful for. This year, I decided to share them every day on my blog.

Day 1: my roommates
Since I started college, I had dreamed of living in a cute Victorianish house with a bunch of friends close to campus. Finally, my fifth year in school, this dream becomes a reality. I live with people who are not only my roommates, but my friends. People to pray with, to support me (and support them), and to laugh at all the ridiculously wrong things I hear and do. God has really blessed me with these people.

OSU 6-0!!

OSU BEAVERS ARE 6-0!!!!

 

Tenth Avenue North in concert with a bunch of friends and my bestie.

Awesome and Awkward Thursday

Awesome:

• SUNSHINE
• My roommates
• 242
• My study buddies
• Babysitting 3 really awesome kids on Thursdays
• Getting to watch ballet class on Thursdays
• Good grades in class
• TJ's Indian Food for dinner
• Organic Lollipops from TJ's
• Laughing at my bad political jokes with my boyfriend
• My boyfriend :)

Awkward:

•  Running into a girl on campus, knowing I know her, and trying to remember her name for dear life
• A girl drinking a fatty bottle of Pale Ale in class. IN CLASS. Seriously? 
• Texting while walking, and nearly walking into my roommate. Literally. 
• The people who think it is okay to talk through the entire lecture. Thanks, I definitely came to class to hear what YOU had to say 
• Getting home and having nowhere to park so I keep driving around the block. Again. and Again. 
• Walking through ballet class cuz I had to pee. My darn tiny bladder. 
• Trying to explain to children that I don't live with my mommy and daddy. I haven't quite figured out how to yet, and every time it stumps them. 
• Opening my door yesterday to a pretty little kitty on my porch that tried to run into my house. Then it followed my halfway to school. 
• The man in my sustainability class who talked about replacing his flushing toilet for one that you cover with bark chips after you do your business. That's just awkward. No thank you. 

Failure

I'm a failure. It isn't because I got a bad grade on a test or because I treated a friend poorly.

I'm a failure because I failed to give God my everything. God sent his son to die for me on the cross. Without Him, I wouldn't have life. This life is NOT my own. But it belongs fully to God. It is all about His will, His way.

"...if we're going to live for Christ, we have to die to ourselves: our dreams, our hopes, our futures, our wills."

I have not been allowing God into every part of my life. I have been giving him little chunks here and there, leftovers mostly. My focus has not been on Him, at all. And I want it to be. I think I'm taking a good step just by realizing I have not been doing so.

I'm struggling with this. I don't know how to rely on God in the little things. He has so richly blessed me. I don't need to rely on Him for material provision. I don't need to rely on Him for a hope. I already have that in Him, but my life is good right now. I know I owe everything good to Him, and I acknowledge that with my thankfulness. I'm stuck. And I'm trying.

Am I just faking it?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm faking it. I wonder when I will be exposed for faking it.
In high school, on dance team, when I couldn't get a move just right I'd fake it til I made it. This doesn't quite work anymore...now I have to figure out how to actually do it, and I don't know how. I don't know how to be an adult. I'm just trying and miserably failing.

I look at "normal" events as things that would never happen to me. Ya know, graduation, getting married, having babies, etc etc. I don't know why I look at them that way, but I do. I just feel so out of the norm that I don't see the possibility that those things would actually be part of my life. I took a VARK learning styles assessment for one of my classes today and I realized how I have one of the hardest learning styles out there. I feel like things don't come as easily to me as they do other people. I feel like I have to go the extra mile just to do average in things. Sometimes this makes me not try. But I don't want the odds to keep me from trying, from doing my best, and searching to glorify God even in the mundane.

So again, I wonder, and I just faking my way through life? I don't want to. And I really hope I'm not.

New

I'm thinking of getting a new blog. My life is fully of new things: I've moved, changed my major, new clothes, new people, new year..etc etc. Get the idea? I'll keep you updated.

This is my new house! 

I live here with 5 people: Matt, Misha, Deanie, Lacey, and myself. We are trying to think of a name for our house. I thought of LDS (with Mormon Missionaries), but that has been rejected, and I think we settled on the MANsion. We'll see about that one. Matt really likes it.

Here are some pictures of my life as of lately. I've been kinda busy starting school and nannying. But its a good kinda busy, and I'm really enjoying school so far this term.

Dates with my sweetheart

Girls Nights

Epic games of Catch Phrase after 242

Last Friday was so much fun. It started with a lovely dinner made by Taylor with some really great people.

 The night ended listening to Lacey tell stories of Brazil, drinks and appetizers at Block 15, and a big group of friends I am really blessed to have. (only the girls are pictured)

Also, Saturday was pretty epic. I went on a tandem ride with my sweetheart, had a little picnic in a park where we got to enjoy some us time. Then my bestie Brynn came into town and we got some beaver gear. Then, Beavers pretty much dominated (but it was close) Arizona. Great night. Great life. GREAT God.

P.S. Gungor has a new song. And it is free here! It's pretty great. God has made us spotless and that is something to celebrate.

242

I belong to an amazing community of college students and young adults. How do I know? Last night was our kickoff and I was feeling pretty apprenshive. I was excited, but I didn't know what to expect. Not to mention, I've been feeling off in my relationship with God, so I really didn't know how I'd feel. When a certain song came on, all of that went away.

Higher than the mountains that I face
Stronger than the power of the grave
Constant through the trial and the change
One thing remains
One thing remains

Your love never fails 

it never gives up 

it never runs out on me
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/jesus-culture-one-thing-remains-lyrics.html ]

  

There is NOTHING we can do to make Jesus' love for us go away. His love for us is. It is constant. It will never fail. It will never give up. It will never change or go away. Even our whole world crumbles, His love will remain.  That truth is absolutely beautiful to me. And a reminder I need all too often.

What do I do?

God is good. It is one of the many things I know without a doubt.

But what do I do when I don't feel my need for Him? My life is going well. God has answered so many prayers of my heart that I don't know what to do. I feel blessed. I know I need Him, I know I can do NOTHING apart from Him, but I still struggle to feel it. I have always gotten close to God during the trying times. How do I cling to His presence in the times of joy? Joy is new to me. I always had to struggle to find the light in the darkness, not the other way around. I know He is the only one who can fill me, and I'm not looking elsewhere, I just don't feel broken. I know he makes me new every single morning, but what do I do when I don't feel dirty enough to be remade?

I don't want to see God's truth and know it. I want to live it, to feel it, to embrace it, and need it. Daily. Every hour. I want to live out with every ounce of my being the truth I follow.

What do I do when I immersed myself so much in the Word that I read the whole thing? What do I read next? Do I keep reading? Do I re-read the devotional I have already read all the way through? I don't know where to turn. Do I open a new devotional? I'm struggling here. I'm struggling with how to seek God further. I know I need to turn to Him, but I don't even know where to start. I feel flat-lined.

The sun has set

It is weird to think YOU had the power to shatter my world. It is so weird that I thought I loved you then.

The truth was we both were slowly bringing out the worst in each other until it became too much and snapped.

I am thankful for the day it all changed and I will be for the rest of my life. That is the day I began to heal, the day I let it go and was finally free to never look back.

You have no manipulative power over me anymore. Cuz now you're just somebody that I used to know. And I couldn't be more thankful you are gone.