I am a reformer

re·form

 

1: to put or change into an improved form or condition b : to amend or improve by change of form or removal of faults or abuses

2: to put an end to (an evil) by enforcing or introducing a better method or course of action

3: to induce or cause to abandon evil ways <reform a drunkard>

 

This video represents so much of who I feel I am and who God is making me to be. I have never felt like I fit in. I have always felt different than other people. I do not like to be comfortable and I strive to follow God no matter the cost. I have always sought to change things, to make big impacts.

And I know I will. Because I am a child of God, the Lord of Lords. He makes changes in people. And He has changed me. The hardships I have faced will not go unused by my Father.



I am Rooted

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root·ed, root·ing, root

1.To become firmly established, settled, or entrenched.

2. To cause to put out roots and grow.

3. To furnish a primary source or origin to.

 

Roots are often underground, unseen by the world. Until you try to dig up a plant, you run into a mess of roots. This is how we should be with God. We need to be firmly rooted in him so that when the storms of life come, we do not budge. We are confident and secure because we know where our hope, strength, and support comes from.

"The seed falling on rocky ground refers to someone who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful." Matthew 13:20-22

Today at church, the pastor started a series called Fake IDs. He talked about our culture and our dog-chasing-tail habit of trying to find ourselves. He brought this idea back to the Garden of Eden and how we were origionally tempted as humans. God tells us he made us in his likeness (Gen 1:26), but when the serpant tempted Adam and Eve in the garden, he tricks them by telling Eve she can be like God (Gen 3:1-4). This is interesting because Satan(the serpant) is trying to make us doubt what God already told us. This still happens today!

 He continued and talked about how much God loves for His children to find their identity in Him. He said, "when God brings identity into us, it reshapes us to give us purpose and strength." He went on to tell a story of a young man he was counseling who struggled with pornagraphy and lust. One day, the young man said that God was going to have to keep forgiving him because he couldn't stop his addiction, he was a pervert. The pastor had a pausing moment and realized that this young man truely believed he was too far from the power of the cross.

He asked us,  "if you were to remove all stressors, circumstances, outside stuff in your life, would you be a sinner or a saint?" Think about that question. I origionally thought sinner. He said 97% of us respond the same way. As Christians, we can be humble with being self-depricating. This is key. I always struggled with how to be humble without putting myself down. I still wonder this, but I feel like things are starting to fall into place and I'm starting to understand.

"Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his." Romans 6:3-5

"So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:" 2 Corinthians 5:16-18

God says we are:



SECURE    LOVED    ACCEPTED

ADOPTED    CHOSEN    SOUGHT AFTER

REDEEMED    RESTORED    FORGIVEN

PURE    NEW    SAFE

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...and God says so much more about us and His love for us in His wonderful, wonderful Word.







I will rise

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When a fire burns, it destroys everything in it's path and turns it into ashes.The idea of ashes have been on my mind a lot lately. When there is some sort of forest fire, it takes a few years for the ashes to be fertile to grow again. I suppose this happens in life, too. You get to a place where you're living in your own ashes and you have got to rebuild and start over. As I ponder this, I realize there is beauty in this. Not only in the growth, but the concept that God never leaves our sides and he is making us new every single day. 

"Into the darkness you shine, out of the ashes we rise" Our God by Chris Tomlin

"Yes I will rise, Out of these ashes rise, From this trouble I have found, And this rubble on the ground I will rise Cause He Who is in me Is greater than I will ever be And I will rise" Rise by Shawn McDonald

These songs all talk about rising up from the despair of life, rising up from whatever has burned you down to the ground. I find it interesting to find that these songs both talk about ashes, and rising up. My first though when I see ashes is not, "how will this rise up?" But God works in ways we do not understand.When Christ died after being hung on the cross, he was dead and put into the ground in a tomb. But he rose from the dead.

RISE-

1. To assume a standing position after lying, sitting, or kneeling.

2. To move from a lower to a higher position; ascend.

3. To come into existence; originate. 

4. To uplift oneself to meet a demand or challenge.

5. To return to life.

Just like the sunrise is the beginning of a new day, rising up shows newness, beginning, a fresh clean start.

"I will rise when He calls my name, no more sorrow, no more pain. I will rise on eagles wings. Before my God, fall on my knees. I will rise. I will rise." I will rise by Chris Tomlin

No, I think I can do better

 I never thought pride was something I struggled with. I assumed that because I lack an extreme amount self-confidence that I must not struggle with pride. That's a sin for those people, ya know the ones. Anyway, as I learn more about what pride is, I'm thinking that it's a problem for people like me. Actually, not just people like me, but in fact me. 

A few weeks back at Evan's church, Nick was talking about pride.  When I heard this sermon initally, I thought, "wow, I can't get anything out of this one," but I was wrong. Nick was calling us to be humble and not prideful. He said, "when we think we're done learning, we're done." It's important to have a humble heart that is always willing and ready to learn. 

 

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Then this past Sunday, at my church, Seth was talking about pride. He was saying that pride is living autonomously to God and refusing to acknowledge that we are Creation, not the Creator. In my life, I have developed by pride by trying to take control and not allowing God to be in control (which He is anyway). This pattern leads to idolatry, which then leads to sin. And I'm realizing the weight of my sin. The consequences. The dirtiness of it. But at the same time, I'm also realizing the beauty of the cross. The glory of God's grace. 

I'm overwhelmed by the goodness of the Lord. It feels so much better to live through God's strength then thinking I can do better and trying to live on my own. God, your way is much better than mine. 

"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
   neither are your ways my ways,'
            declares the LORD.  

'As the heavens are higher than the earth,
   so are my ways higher than your ways
   and my thoughts than your thoughts." 

Isaiah 55:8-9

Perfection

per·fect  (pûrfkt) adj.

1. Lacking nothing essential to the whole; complete of its nature or kind.

2. Being without defect or blemish: a perfect specimen.

 

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2 Corinthians 12:8-10

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 

How amazing is that? When we are weak and falling on our knees is when Jesus is perfect, complete, lacking nothing? That is when we are strong, because of Jesus.  I am weak, but He is strong. My Jesus is strong, and He will always be. I find this as a deep deep comfort. I'm making some changes in my life. I've realized I put things from this life into the place in my heart where only God can satisfy. I realized that I became complacent in my walk with the Lord and I became okay with my own sin. 

Jesus, I never want to be at this place again. Anytime my sin keeps me from you it is a big deal and I need to take it seriously. Thank you for your grace, your strength and your love towards me, your silly lost sheep. Thank you for going to the mountains to search me out.

Matthew 18:10-14

^"'See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven. 'What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. 

In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish."

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This passage of the wandering sheep is always comforting to me. Sheep are not the smartest animals and Matthew is using sheep in this parable to relate to us as humans. We do stupid things and we wander away.  But God does not shrug his shoulders when one wanders away. He goes and leaves all the other sheep to find the one that went astray.

Never

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"Never let the sense of past failure defeat your next step."-Unknown

Never:

1. not ever; at no time: 

2. not at all; absolutely not

3. to no extent or degree 

I. Give. Up.

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 Surrender:

1.to yield (something) to the possession or power of another; deliver up possession of on demand or under duress: to surrender the fort to the enemy.

2. to give (oneself) up.

3.to give (oneself) up to some influence, course, emotion, etc.

4.to give up, abandon, or relinquish (comfort, hope, etc.).

5.to yield or resign (an office, privilege, etc.) in favor of another.

 

I was talking to a friend about how frustrated I was with how things had become. She told me, "maybe it's time to surrender that relationship to God." Wow, she was so right. During the lent season, I went to church and heard the pastor speak about what He had given up for lent. They even had people come up and share testimonies of what they had given up and how it has helped their relationship with God. Originally, I wanted to give up facebook and using my computer for anything other than school. Then lent started, and I didn't.  A couple weeks into it, I decided to give up. It sounds kinda silly to give up "trying" for lent, but that's what I needed to do. I gave up the past, old friendships, how things used to be, etc etc. 

This step is something I am so glad I did. I am finally embracing the place I am, making new friends, growing, and becoming amerced in a new community. I'm happy here.

One of my favorite David Crowder songs, "Foreverandever" has this line that I LOVE:

 

Letting go gives a better grip
I'm finding everything I'll ever need
By giving up gaining everything
 

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Temporary

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 

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temporary (adjective)

lasting, existing, serving, or effective for a time only; not permanent

I will not be silent

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."  -Martin Luther King Jr.

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Dictionary.com defines silent:

silent (adjective)

1.making no sound; quiet; still: a silent motor.

2.refraining from speech.

3.speechless; mute.

4.not inclined to speak; taciturn; reticent.

5.characterized by absence of speech or sound

6.unspoken; tacit: a silent assent.

I refuse to be silent.