The Journey

I'm going into my 5th year of college. Yep, 5th. Was this intended when I graduated high school four year ago? Nope. Would I change the journey I've taken to get to where I am today? No. I wouldn't.

I started out my college experience at Corban University in Salem, OR. I learned a lot in my 2 and a half years there. I learned about friendship, both healthy and unhealthy. I learned about depending on the Lord. I learned about my identity and making it fully in Christ. I learned how to take care of myself. I learned how to lean on my community. I learned how to tell when people genuinely care about you, and when they are after something to gossip about. Most importantly, I learned about my passions. The things that make me, me. I learned about God's character as a loving Father and how it relates to me and my life. God cares deeply about the small details. And not only does he care, he plans each and every small detail.

In January 2011, I transferred to Oregon State University. Little did I know then, this place would become my home. I love Corvallis, OR. I love the weather. (People, this is a really BIG deal.) It rains a lot here, and I used to hate it, but now, those rainy, misty, cloudy days are my favorite. I love my community. I have a wonderfully supportive loving family that is also known as 242, my college group.
In my time at Oregon State, I learned how to cook (And I learned I actually LOVE it). I learned how to navigate finding my way somewhere when I have no idea. I learned how to develop my opinion and to voice it freely. I learned more about service. I learned how to ask other people for help and actually let them help me. I learned how to move into my own apartment. I learned how to find cheap free furniture and make it look fabulous. I learned how to express myself appropriately. I learned how to make lesson plans and teach them in a classroom. I learned how to make mistakes. (Well, I already knew how, but I learned how to fix them). I learned how to budget. I learned how to worship God all day, everyday. I learned how to have a heart that is constantly praying. I learned how to love deeper, stronger, and greater, only because I have a Heavenly Father who loved me first.

I've been through a lot in my 4 years of college, and I'm nowhere near done yet. I'm excited for the journey ahead, and all the more learning I get to do with my life. I'm excited to see where God is going to move, how He is going to show up, and how he will work in all the ugliness to make it beautiful.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

Some Days are filled with the Unexpected

Some days you hit little road bumps. Things don't go quite as planned. And you know those days, you get kinda frustrated and start feeling really down.Those are the kind of days Satan likes to attack. He sees we are weak and he takes advantage of it.

My Friday the 13th was one of those days.

It all started with a very difficult and unplanned Thursday night. I normally spend my Thursday nights at bible study, with some lovely girls, but this week, I was doing something very unexpected and somewhat traumatic. I woke up Friday still dealing with what happened the night before. I went to class, took a quiz, and went back home to pack for my exciting weekend at the beach for 15 beautiful girls from my college group. I packed my bags, picked up the girls I was driving and got all the way to Monmouth when my car started making a noise. A thereisarocktumblingaround noise. I pulled over and put on my flashers.

After a few attempts, I ended up having to have my car towed all the way back to Corvallis. Yay AAA. I got home, walked in the door after paying the tow man and cried. Literally sat on my bed and cried. I was pretty certain at that point that I wasn't going to be going to the coast for the retreat. But Aimee was not okay with that, so she called all the cars that hadn't left yet and arranged a seat for me.

my poor baby being towed

Beautiful sunset view from the house

Then I finally arrived on the coast for the weekend with some lovely girls.

Erin, Rosie, Amy, Tina, Lexi, me, Sara

Catch phrase: aka INTENSE

On that night, we stayed up til 3:30 in the morning or something sharing stories. It at all started with games where we would ask a question and everyone would go around and answer. The question that kept us up so late was, "What is something you have overcome?" Little did we know at the time what that question would turn into. There was tears, laughter, hugs, confessions, acceptance, confessions, and so much more. It was really a beautiful time.

I woke up on Saturday morning rested. We made breakfast and then headed down to the beach.

Back row: Deanie, Taylor, Christy, Rosie, Erin, Lexi, Erin, Lacey, Sara
Front Row: Amy, me, Aimee, Tina, Casey, and Jessie

A few of us decided to hike up the massive dune. And then have a few little adventures. :)

Sara, Rosie, Lacey, Deanie, Jessie, Lexi, and I after hiking up the dune

Rosie, Deanie, Lacey, and Lexi walking sliding down the other side

Yep, we did it.

Isnt this just beautiful?

Deanie and Sara

Me and Deanie

the two Sara(h)'s

I sat down on top of this mountain and looked around me. God created all of this. I sat there singing "Indescribable" quietly to myself. God, you are indescribable.

 The whole earth is His.

"the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them-The Lord, who remainds faithful forever." Psalm 146:6

Lacey was sitting on this ledge and she turns around to me and says "Each wave is a little different. Some have spunk, some just kinda sizzle away. And each of the rocks, they are all different shapes and sizes. (silence) Kinda like us."

What Lacey said couldn't be more true. We are all different because God created each and every one of us exactly how He wanted us to be. That is so comforting and absolutely beautiful to me.

As we were sitting and admiring the beauty, Deanie, Rosie, and Sara went on a little adventure.

This is my view is Sara, Rosie, and Deanie from where I was sitting

We headed back over to the rest of the group and plopped right down.

Then we had a little cermony for Ryder, Lacey's dog who died suddenly this week.

Ryder loved popcorn, so it was only appropiate to write his name in the sand, cover it in popcorn, and wait for a wave to wash it away.

What an unexpected, but so amazing weekend. I am so blessed by all these AMAZING women who love the Lord that I have in my life. My car still isn't fixed yet, so that's kinda a downer, but it's okay. I have a great community of friends helping me out. :)

The times they are a'changing

About a year ago, I found myself moved back into my parents house in California. I had felt like a failure. I left school. I was a drop out. I was pretty much at bottom and I had no where to go but up. My dad kept bring up Oregon State. I liked the idea of returning to the Northwest, the place I now recognized as home. And Corvallis was merely 40 minutes away from where I previously attended school. Attending a state school however, I was not sure I wanted to sign myself up for that.

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 I looked online and found out an OSU admissions counselor was in the bay area, less than a hour from where I lived. I hoped in the car with my mom and went to the meeting. The more I heard, the more I fell in love. But as I fell in love, the fears, the what-ifs, the questions filled my mind. I applied to OSU and was accepted. That was it. I was going to a state school, in a matter of months, or so I thought.
 Mid December, I decided to start school in January. I quickly got classes, found a place to live, and put together one small detail after another. Christmas came, and then I packed up my car and made the familiar drive north to Oregon. 

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Transferring to OSU was like going from a fishbowl to an ocean. And I loved everything about it. Suddenly the world was mine. I was surrounded by new opportunities, different perspectives, so many differently types of people and activities.  Since coming here, I've tried kayaking, feminist protests, country line dancing, going to a bar, campus activism, a real house party, huge college groups, mudding, and so many more things that I can't think of right now.

Lately, I am amazed at the way things change. Just a year ago, I was in such a different place. Close with different people. Eating different food. One of the biggest changes I am grateful for is no longer living in fear. When I first left Corban, I had no idea what to do. I could have very-well bummed around, but my parents stood by my side and made sure I did not do that. I very quickly got back on my feet. It took about a year to stop living in those fears, but I am so thankful I have given control to the One who deserves to take the wheel in the first place.

I will rise

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When a fire burns, it destroys everything in it's path and turns it into ashes.The idea of ashes have been on my mind a lot lately. When there is some sort of forest fire, it takes a few years for the ashes to be fertile to grow again. I suppose this happens in life, too. You get to a place where you're living in your own ashes and you have got to rebuild and start over. As I ponder this, I realize there is beauty in this. Not only in the growth, but the concept that God never leaves our sides and he is making us new every single day. 

"Into the darkness you shine, out of the ashes we rise" Our God by Chris Tomlin

"Yes I will rise, Out of these ashes rise, From this trouble I have found, And this rubble on the ground I will rise Cause He Who is in me Is greater than I will ever be And I will rise" Rise by Shawn McDonald

These songs all talk about rising up from the despair of life, rising up from whatever has burned you down to the ground. I find it interesting to find that these songs both talk about ashes, and rising up. My first though when I see ashes is not, "how will this rise up?" But God works in ways we do not understand.When Christ died after being hung on the cross, he was dead and put into the ground in a tomb. But he rose from the dead.

RISE-

1. To assume a standing position after lying, sitting, or kneeling.

2. To move from a lower to a higher position; ascend.

3. To come into existence; originate. 

4. To uplift oneself to meet a demand or challenge.

5. To return to life.

Just like the sunrise is the beginning of a new day, rising up shows newness, beginning, a fresh clean start.

"I will rise when He calls my name, no more sorrow, no more pain. I will rise on eagles wings. Before my God, fall on my knees. I will rise. I will rise." I will rise by Chris Tomlin

Grow

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"I made you grow like a plant of the field. You grew up and developed and became the most beautiful of jewels." Ezekiel 16:7a

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This is where I get my blog's name: bud into a rose. God is growing me from a bud into a beautiful rose. And I find comfort in that beauty.