Update

I start school one week from tomorrow. ONE WEEK. Okay, so most people would be writing about how summer is ending blah, blah blah. I do not feel that way! I feel like I had a really great summer. It wasn't really what I expected or planned, but I enjoyed myself. I tried new things, traveled, got to be a maid of honor in my best friends wedding, went to concerts, and moved. All in all, it has been a really great summer.

I have really wonderful people in my life. Without a doubt.

I am so excited for school to start! I got my classes all worked out after a lot of headache. So far, I'm still on the waiting list for dance, but that's okay with me. I'm okay with waiting it out until winter term.

Things are really looking up. After a summer of having so much of my life up in the air, it feels so good. I have a nice place to live, close to campus, with 4 roommates. I got a babysitting job that requires maybe 10 hours a week, which is pretty much perfect right now. I also started working out and I'm feeling really good about the changes I am making in both diet and lifestyle. I bought some red skinnys as a bold move and I'm excited for fall and to experiment a bit. (Hopefully, I'll be showing you what I'm wearing). I am always amazed how God takes care of his children. I am such a silly dumb lost sheep sometimes, working and working to get things to work out when all I need to do is be still. I have a Father who knows better anyway.

"The Lord will fight for you; all you need to do is be still." Exodus 14:14

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

What am I getting myself into?

This is the question I always ask myself when God has called me into something and I hesitantly follow Him.

I love CAMP. Everything about it. And this summer I'm working at one again! And I couldn't be more excited, but I keep asking myself, "what am I getting myself into?" I watch the videos of camp and see major outdoorsy things that scare me, but ALSO really excite me. There is a ton that I don't have answers to: what I'll be doing, what camp is like, what kinda food I'll have to eat, etc etc etc. I'm a little nervous. But I don't need all the answers, nor do I really want them.

I remember when I got word I'd be working at Canby Grove. I was so excited, but I was also experiencing fear and the unknown like never before. But I was faithful to where God called me. And I was so blessed. God did so much in my life and in my heart that summer. He made me me.

Corrie ten Boom said, "Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to an all-knowing God."

So that's what I'm doing. I'm trusting, knowing where He leads me will untimately always be good.

When you find an old letter...

Today, I was looking through some old stuff. I found a letter I wrote to myself on June 17, 2010 at the beginning of my summer at Canby Grove. All the staff did this cuz it was an activity, and we got our letters to ourselves mid summer. Here is my letter:

"Just had a word activity and picked JOY. Sarah, joy can be a struggle for you. Remember, the joy of the Lord is your STRENGTH. With His strength, you are capable to do this. 

You have a passion for life, camp, and people. Remember the times of camp you have experienced. Incredible, right? You have dreamed of this experience- and now you are here. You are living your dream. God has called you to this position. He has equipped you to do so. he will work IN you, THROUGH, you, and INSPITE of you. God is still in control and sovereign. 

             You are my joy by David Crowder Band 'I cannot hold it in and remain composed, love has       oven taken me, so I purpose: I am letting myself go. You are my joy, you are my joy, you are my joy.' 

 Your passion, experiences and who God has made you to be make you the one one able to be Sarah. Only YOU. And you are the only one successful at being you.

God's purposes and love are bigger than anything you may be feeling. 

Go to the word. Don't delay. Go."

Finding this letter was extremely encouraging. It reminds me of the wonderful time I had that summer. It reminds me of my love for the Lord and my solid relationship with him that I sometimes doubt. It reminds me that my pain is okay. God just wants me. He doesn't need me to be whole, because he takes care of making me whole.

Psalm 94: 19, "when doubts will my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer"

I want that place

You know that place where you feel the most clarity and at peace more than anywhere? I want more than anything to go to that place right now. 

That place is somewhere I've only known about for a year or so. But my heart got so connected to it and now I wish more than anything to be there. They should be having camp starting in a month. They should be getting ready for another summer of ministry, campers, and staff. 

 I would drive there, but now, it is private property and you can't really just show up without some sort of legal issue. I want to just sit on this field. I want to scream as loud as I possibly can.

 I want to sit by the fire pit. I want to dance and sing crazy camp songs. I want to do skits. I want to teach about Jesus.

I want to sleep in the gal carrel, surrounded by wonderful women.

I want to walk up the stairs to the staff lounge, enjoy the air conditioning and laugh at whatever idiotic thing is going on in there.

I want to walk these trails singing and hearing echos of repeating songs. I want to hear the sounds of slingshots, archery, and games on the field.

I want to be there. I want to be called Nala. I want to do summer ministry. I want to be at a camp.

These people are my family.

I want Summer!

Lately, the weather has been really bipolar. One day it's rainy and wet, the next it's warm and sunny. I guess that's just Oregon for you. It makes me want summer so badly!

I want...

to lay in the grass

 

to lay in and by the pool

to go tubing 

 

to have bbq's

 

to go hiking at the falls

to wear my chacos and get another awesome chaco tan

  

to eat yummy fruit and my favorite, strawberries

to be barefoot

to go to the Oregon Coast

 

to wear sundresses

to go camping

to make and wear pretty string bracelets

 drink yummy blended drinks from Dutch Bros

to go to parks and be outside with my sweetie

oh, and so so much more! I cannot wait for summer!  I've always loved summer. Summer is always so carefree, so fun, so joyful. Summer is a season where I feel like I can truly enjoy company and enjoy life. I'm so stoked for this summer. 


All photos from google.  

You are now known as....

NALA 

 

 Me, two of my campers, and Danielle (Squeamish)

I remember when I was first given the name Nala. I took the longest to name out of the whole staff. The staff shouted out name after name for me, but none of them felt like me, until Nala. I have always loved the Lion King and when I was a little girl, I named one of my dolls Nala. I knew it was going to be my name. I loved it.

For the rest of summer 2010, I was Nala. And I was so happy about it. I never knew that name would grow to be something I identified with. During the summer I spent at Canby Grove, I felt incredibly alive. I had dreamed of being a camp counselor for as long as I can remember. And I was living my dream, finally. I had applied for years to work as one, and I had finally been selected. 

My relationship with God was the best it has ever been. I was consistent in spending time with God daily and I was experiencing real Joy. For the summer, the staff each picked a word that we felt was something to lay down to God and to be this summer. I picked joy. I naturally struggle with being a happy person and so experiencing true joy was amazing.

As the summer went on, I was amazed at how God was using me. I was embracing and enjoying how the staff was bonding and how close we all were. It is rare for me to feel so accepted and loved in a community, but I did. 

The name Nala brings joy to my heart. I associate the name with a time of my life where I was me. I wasn't hiding or running. I was simply ME. There's nothing more beautiful than diligently following God and being content with the person he created you to be.

source

Take what's left of me

In Summer 2010, I experienced what could only be described as a dream come true. To be back in that place as it was then in Summer 2010 would be impossible. Why is it that in a moment you are just wanting to get through it, and after the moment is over you just want to relive it? That is how I feel about Summer 2010.

I spent Summer 2010 working at Canby Grove Conference Center in Canby, Oregon. I was living my dream as a camp counselor. I never believed in my heart of hearts that I would ever be a counselor. I never thought I was good enough. But for this summer, God hand picked me to be a counselor and to live my dream. And now that my dream has been lived and summer has gone, I feel somewhat lost. Partly due to the fact that Canby Grove has closed its doors. There were rumors of re-opening or possible buyers, but nothing has come through, and Canby Grove remains closed.

I remember when I first arrived at Canby Grove. I was a mix of nervousness, anxiety, and excitement. I had no idea how much my life was going to change and how much God was going to show up. I picked my bunk bed-this was my home for the next 2 and half months. If you know me, picking my bed was an all too difficult task. I kept changing my mind. I finally settled on the shortest bed in the bunkhouse (Gal Carral)-which I guess fits because I was also the shortest girl, or gal.

I was at camp early for Advanced Crew. And boy, did God teach me lessons that week. Oregon doesn't really turn into summer into mid June or July. This year was an especially wet year. Needless to say, camp was moist, muddy, and anything but what I had expected. Canby Grove is an outdoor camp. I am not the most outdoor girl out there, to say the least.

These girls living around me would grow to become my friends, my family even. Who knew? I miss camp. I miss this summer. I miss the community, the growth, the campers, the songs. Everything. The list of what I miss could go on and on. What I miss most? Me. God revealed me to myself this summer at camp in a way I have never experienced before. The walls I had built up began to crumble down, the hurts deep within my heart began to heal, and most of all, I began to really love myself for who God created me to be. I grew to be a leader. I had always dreamed of being a leader-but my fears and insecurities kept me from embracing that.

My heart longs to be back in this place. To feel what I felt, so smell what I smelt, and to view the views I viewed. I long to be surrounded by the Summer 2010 Stuff. These people will never know what a crucial part of my journey they have become.

One of my favorite movies ever is Titanic. In the end of the movie, Rose is talking about Jack and she says, "A woman's heart is an ocean full of secrets. But now you know there was a man named Jack Dawson, and that he saved me, in every way a person can be saved. I don't even have a picture of him...He exists now only in my memory."
This is how I feel about Canby Grove. God found me and saved me in every possible way I could be saved that summer. And sadly, it exists only in my memory.

Canby Grove Summer 2010-you changed my life. 

The Glorious Unseen-Take What's Left of Me
When my hope is gone, how can I carry on?
If my faith is strong, will you be the truth I’m hanging on?
Will you be my eyes when I cannot see?
Will you be my voice when I cannot speak?
Will you be my hands where I cannot reach?
Father, take what’s left of me.
If I fall away, will you come rescue me?
In my broken state, will you be a light to guide my way?
Will you take me back to that place again?
Where I know my savior as my friend - where you show me grace that has no end - where I come alive within your plan.
Will you take me there?
Will you be my eyes when I cannot see?
Will you be my voice when I cannot speak?
Will you be my hands where I cannot reach?
Father, take what’s left of me.