February 28, 2011

You make Beautiful Things

This is a blog I don't know where to go with. I have so many things floating around in my head. So many thoughts, things I want to say and touch on.

Last week we got snow here. I was so excited! I haven't lived in a place in snows since I was a little kid. Needless to say, I woke up early and went to my window to see a winter wonderland outside. I called my boyfriend, Evan, and said "it snowed here!" He doesn't get to excited about snow, cuz he lives in Washington and it snows there more often. But I was happy. I went outside to take pictures. And classes got canceled :)

Snow reminds me of God's grace. It covers everything like a big blanket, and makes it white, clean, and pure. Snow is used 23 times in the bible, and most often used as a comparison to being clean or white.

Psalm 51:7, "Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow."

On Saturday, Evan and I drove up to Washington together. He was playing in the worship band at his church, so I went early with him so he could practice. I got to help fold bulletins. Strangely enough, I really loved it. It made me think about possibly working in a church. Maybe just doing office work or something, I think it would be fun. I have so much about my future and what I want to do bouncing around in my head right now. Oh...if only I could just make up my mind!

Then the service started. I don't know what it was, but I became overwhelmed with emotion. Tears began to fill my eyes and flood down my face. Worship song lyrics touched my heart.

"It's the beauty of simplicity that brings me down to my knees" 
"I'm so unworthy, but still you love me" 
"Time is in his hands: beginning and the end"
 Then they showed this video the youth made while they were at DYC (District Youth Conference) in Portland, OR. Not to mention, Evan's makes a short appearance in it (playing the violin and spinning a little girl around) and filmed some of it. It was a music video to the song Beautiful Things by Gungor. This song is so beautiful. It confirms the questioning of our hearts and God's faithfulness to us to make us new and beautiful. Amen. :)

The sermon started. A few weeks back Pastor Nick said something this and mentioned it again this Sunday, "Christ didn't come to make you fine." That statement has been convicting me for weeks. How often do we pray for God to fix this, fix that, and make that go away so we can be "fine?" That is not what God has called of us. I have been viewing healing in the wrong way. I've been praying for God to take away these things that hinder me. A friend once told me, "Sometimes we ask God to change our circumstances, rather than finding him in our circumstances." I realized I need to find God just where I am. And the tears continued to flow...
The sermon was from Revelation 5 and it was talking about real strength and real victory. If you'd like to listen to this powerful series, click here. On the page, you'll also see a picture I love. Evan's hands holding a bible and a journal. :)

I've been feeling a lot of conviction lately. The cross is so beautiful and what Christ did is so powerful. On Sunday night, Evan and I went to Jr. high youth group. Other then a strange interaction with a Jr. high boy, I really enjoyed the night. Pastor Caleb talked about hunger and connected it to spiritual hunger, our need for God. He explained that none of us will ever be fully satisfied with anything, but Christ. It was a powerful weekend for me. Hearing things that I have known for a long time, but needed reminders of.

It's Monday evening, almost Tuesday. The tears are still falling. I'm feeling the reality of my sin and embracing this state of brokenness. I told Evan earlier this weekend, "I don't understand everything about God. I don't understand the pain or why He has me going through this right now, but I know that He loves me, He is good, and He has a purpose for the pain." Evan then embraced me with a big hug and I love yous. <3

I surrender.

February 23, 2011

Healthy Cookies

Sound like an oxymoron to you? Well, you are wrong! I made these yummy healthy cookies. I've recently started eating gluten-free, and I made these with gluten free oats. So yummy! I used 1/2 cup chocolate chips and 1/2 cup peanut butter chips, and it made it sooo good. You can also use dried fruits, like raisins or cranberries, to make it healthier. This recipe is so easy and so worth a try. You don't need eggs or butter or anything like that. You can even use your hands instead of a mixer (make sure you wash them first, though). I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

February 22, 2011


"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

This is such a wonderful verse. I absolutely love it! A few years back, I had this verse posted in my bathroom so I read over it everyday. It was a time of my life where I was anxious, to just get through the miserable circumstances, and move on to what I wanted. God constantly reminded me that He was in the situation, and He knew the desires of my heart. As time went on, I prayed every day, and He gave me His peace. What a beautiful thing the peace of the Lord is!

I've been reading through Crazy Love by Francis Chan and there is a wonderful section about worry and stress.

He writes, "Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives. Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control. Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it's okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance. They declare our tendency to forget that we've been forgiven, that our lives here are brief, that we are headed to a place where we won't be lonely, afraid, hurt ever again, and that in the context of God's strength, our problems are small, indeed."

WOW. That was such a slap in the face for the biggest worry-wart I know, myself. I can't tell you how many times people close to me tell me I worry and think too much. And the reality is that earth is not our home. We were designed for something MORE. While reading this in Crazy Love, I realized that I've been spending so much energy and time worrying about things that aren't in my control, and never will be. I realized I need to humble myself, open my heart and hands to the One who I can fully trust with my life, and do it.

If you are worried about how much you worry, here is an easy self-assessment quiz

February 21, 2011

Step by Step

"The mind of man plans his way,
         But the LORD directs his steps."

Proverbs 16:9

Isn't that so true? How many times have I thought things were going to be one way, and God made it another? Countless times! My current prayer is that the Lord would direct my steps. I am looking to the future and my career goals, and I think I have some new ideas brewing. For now, please be praying for me. I'm getting kinda excited thinking about this new idea and opportunity. :)

February 20, 2011

Thanks for getting my swimsuit WET

One of my favorite shows is The OC. I am very saddened that it ended a few years ago, but it still plays on Soap Net TV and I can honestly say I've seen the whole series at least 10 times, if not more. If I'm ever in a sad mood, the OC instantly perks me up. It is just so funny! I wanted to share my favorite scene from the OC, ever.


My favorite part isn't until the very end, so watch the whole thing. :)



 Molly and I

 Me (middle) and my 10 campers, whew!
Bo Peap and a few of her campers

February 19, 2011

Sunset, Sunrise

I was driving last weekend up to Portland and I saw a beautiful sunset behind me in my rear view mirror. Immediately, my thoughts went to thinking about a rear view mirror and how things behind me are in the past. It caused me to think about what is in my past, why it is in my past, and to leave it there. 

So, Corban. Some of you may know I went to Corban University for 2 and a half years. while in my 3rd year, I realized that it was not where God wanted me to be anymore. I left somewhat suddenly and without much explanation, until now. So why did I leave? That question must remain unanswered, somewhat.

Corban is in my past. Canby Grove is in my past. I think I spend so much time reminiscing, enjoying in my mind what was, instead of what IS. There are parts of my life I miss desperately. Things I feel I could have done differently. Or people I wish things were different with. But the reality is, things are only what I make them. With everything that happened at Corban and with my friends at Corban, it is finished. That is just the way it is. A few still talk to me now and then, but friendship is often because people are in the same place, on the same journey, at the same time. Now I am onto something new. 

I have this fresh start here at OSU, and it seems like not much has come of it yet. I still haven't found where I belong in this big school. I haven't found a group of friends. I haven't found a home. But the key word is yet. Just because I don't have those things yet and my prayers remain unanswered, it doesn't mean that God doesn't care or that he isn't sovereign. Because he is, and he will always be. 

As I was continuing my drive up to Portland, I looked forward. There was a beautiful shy in front of me as well. It reminded me to stop looking back (although when driving, it is safe to continue to do so!) and to look forward to the future that God has for me. 

My sunrise is coming.   

"Do not be hard on yourself about things you cannot change. The past is past and it's time to move on."
(From my God wants You to know on facebook)

February 8, 2011

85 in a 55 zone

I've always been on to throw my heart in, and then pull it back later with fear of what I had just done. It's like I jumped into a big pool, only to realize it's the middle of winter, and jumping into a cold pool was really stupid. It is time for some evaluations, some slowing down. Life is not about the destinations, but the journey's along the way.
I've been going 85 in a 55 zone. Let's say I got pulled over on the road of life and I need to slow down. I need to stop and smell the roses. I need to enjoy the little things. I need to laugh. To take MORE time. I need to do things that are of importance. I need to serve. I need to love. I need to live without regrets. The time that God gives me is the time that he gives me. I don't need to rush to do all the things "I want" to do.

It isn't about me anyway. It's about God, and what he has done for me.

If we're going to live for Christ,
we have to die to ourselves:
OUR dreams
OUR hopes
OUR future
OUR wills

February 7, 2011

Love = Sex?

In a world dominated by culture one has to ask, does love = sex? It seems like every single romantic movie has some sort of sex involved in it. Sometimes, even with partners who aren't "in love."

Today, in my Sociology class we were asked, "When is the next time you and your significant other are going to have sex?" First of all, this whole lecture was based on dating, sex, attraction, and culture's involvement. I've got to say, it really got me thinking. Why is it assumed that if you are a college aged student you are automatically drinking, doing drugs, and sleeping around? I just don't quite understand where this stigma came from.
I guess I am not the norm. I must be the out-group. (Yeah, a Sociology term). I recently re-watched a super cute movie called "Play the Game." The plot consists of a grandson and grandpa who try to teach each other strategies with dating, and of course, the bedroom.

But it seems culture has taken this idea of love = sex and adapted it to, if it's broken, replace it. So much for love. With divorce rates being so high, you have to wonder why people are so quick to abandon relationships that are not working. We live in a consumer culture. When something breaks, we buy another one. We hardly ever fix it anymore. This principle is now seen implemented in relationships. 

This does not make sense for me. I don't think love = sex. Like the cute nursery rhyme said, "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage." And the bible gives us very clear lines of exactly what love is. Just the word "love" appears 314 times in the bible (according to answers.com).

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

 To Christians, this is our battlefield. We are called to be in the world, but not OF the world (2 Corinthians 10:3). We are battling Satan, and of course a culture filled with things of which we do not agree. That does not mean to hide away in your christian bubble, but rather, step out in faith, and make a difference in this world. 

The light will outshine the darkness.

February 2, 2011

Here I am, at your feet in my brokenness complete

One of my new favorite worship bands, The Glorious Unseen has songs that utter the words of my heart when I am out of words.

Hear our Prayers by The Glorious Unseen
Hear our cries Lord,
Hear our prayers.
Take our burdens,
Calm our fears.

God will you make us
A people that love You.
Please take our offerings
That we set before You.
God hear our prayers
That we're lifting up to You.
God see our tears
That we're struggling to see through.
God, hear our prayers to You.

In our weakness,
You remain.
When we're broken,
You sustain.

God will you make us
A people that love You.
Please take our offerings
That we set before You.
God hear our prayers
That we're lifting up to You.
God see our tears
That we're struggling to see through.

God hear our prayers.
We lift them to You.
God hear our prayers,
Lord make our hearts true.
Will You make our hearts true?

Hear our prayers Lord.

God will you make us
A people that love You.
Please take our offerings
That we set before You.
God hear our prayers
That we're lifting up to You.
God see our tears
That we're struggling to see through.
God hear our prayers
As we lift them to heaven.
We're praying the angels
Receive and embrace them.
The hopes of the empty,
The cries of the broken.
We're reaching our hands out,
Oh Lord will You hold them?

February 1, 2011


I'm an avid PostSecret reader. Recently this post was posted and I thought it was beautiful.

How amazing is that a couple would look forward most to reading the Word together?