I was driving last weekend up to Portland and I saw a beautiful sunset behind me in my rear view mirror. Immediately, my thoughts went to thinking about a rear view mirror and how things behind me are in the past. It caused me to think about what is in my past, why it is in my past, and to leave it there.
So, Corban. Some of you may know I went to Corban University for 2 and a half years. while in my 3rd year, I realized that it was not where God wanted me to be anymore. I left somewhat suddenly and without much explanation, until now. So why did I leave? That question must remain unanswered, somewhat.
Corban is in my past. Canby Grove is in my past. I think I spend so much time reminiscing, enjoying in my mind what was, instead of what IS. There are parts of my life I miss desperately. Things I feel I could have done differently. Or people I wish things were different with. But the reality is, things are only what I make them. With everything that happened at Corban and with my friends at Corban, it is finished. That is just the way it is. A few still talk to me now and then, but friendship is often because people are in the same place, on the same journey, at the same time. Now I am onto something new.
I have this fresh start here at OSU, and it seems like not much has come of it yet. I still haven't found where I belong in this big school. I haven't found a group of friends. I haven't found a home. But the key word is yet. Just because I don't have those things yet and my prayers remain unanswered, it doesn't mean that God doesn't care or that he isn't sovereign. Because he is, and he will always be.
As I was continuing my drive up to Portland, I looked forward. There was a beautiful shy in front of me as well. It reminded me to stop looking back (although when driving, it is safe to continue to do so!) and to look forward to the future that God has for me.
My sunrise is coming.
"Do not be hard on yourself about things you cannot change. The past is past and it's time to move on."
(From my God wants You to know on facebook)