February 28, 2011

You make Beautiful Things

This is a blog I don't know where to go with. I have so many things floating around in my head. So many thoughts, things I want to say and touch on.

Last week we got snow here. I was so excited! I haven't lived in a place in snows since I was a little kid. Needless to say, I woke up early and went to my window to see a winter wonderland outside. I called my boyfriend, Evan, and said "it snowed here!" He doesn't get to excited about snow, cuz he lives in Washington and it snows there more often. But I was happy. I went outside to take pictures. And classes got canceled :)

Snow reminds me of God's grace. It covers everything like a big blanket, and makes it white, clean, and pure. Snow is used 23 times in the bible, and most often used as a comparison to being clean or white.

Psalm 51:7, "Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow."

On Saturday, Evan and I drove up to Washington together. He was playing in the worship band at his church, so I went early with him so he could practice. I got to help fold bulletins. Strangely enough, I really loved it. It made me think about possibly working in a church. Maybe just doing office work or something, I think it would be fun. I have so much about my future and what I want to do bouncing around in my head right now. Oh...if only I could just make up my mind!

Then the service started. I don't know what it was, but I became overwhelmed with emotion. Tears began to fill my eyes and flood down my face. Worship song lyrics touched my heart.

"It's the beauty of simplicity that brings me down to my knees" 
"I'm so unworthy, but still you love me" 
"Time is in his hands: beginning and the end"
 Then they showed this video the youth made while they were at DYC (District Youth Conference) in Portland, OR. Not to mention, Evan's makes a short appearance in it (playing the violin and spinning a little girl around) and filmed some of it. It was a music video to the song Beautiful Things by Gungor. This song is so beautiful. It confirms the questioning of our hearts and God's faithfulness to us to make us new and beautiful. Amen. :)

The sermon started. A few weeks back Pastor Nick said something this and mentioned it again this Sunday, "Christ didn't come to make you fine." That statement has been convicting me for weeks. How often do we pray for God to fix this, fix that, and make that go away so we can be "fine?" That is not what God has called of us. I have been viewing healing in the wrong way. I've been praying for God to take away these things that hinder me. A friend once told me, "Sometimes we ask God to change our circumstances, rather than finding him in our circumstances." I realized I need to find God just where I am. And the tears continued to flow...
The sermon was from Revelation 5 and it was talking about real strength and real victory. If you'd like to listen to this powerful series, click here. On the page, you'll also see a picture I love. Evan's hands holding a bible and a journal. :)

I've been feeling a lot of conviction lately. The cross is so beautiful and what Christ did is so powerful. On Sunday night, Evan and I went to Jr. high youth group. Other then a strange interaction with a Jr. high boy, I really enjoyed the night. Pastor Caleb talked about hunger and connected it to spiritual hunger, our need for God. He explained that none of us will ever be fully satisfied with anything, but Christ. It was a powerful weekend for me. Hearing things that I have known for a long time, but needed reminders of.

It's Monday evening, almost Tuesday. The tears are still falling. I'm feeling the reality of my sin and embracing this state of brokenness. I told Evan earlier this weekend, "I don't understand everything about God. I don't understand the pain or why He has me going through this right now, but I know that He loves me, He is good, and He has a purpose for the pain." Evan then embraced me with a big hug and I love yous. <3

I surrender.

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