I used to be really awkward. Okay, who am I kidding? I never grew out of that. When I was in Junior High or early high school years (it has all kind of blurred together now), I wrote a lot. And I mean a lot. Journals and journals full of poems, song lyrics, etc etc. I even was in a girl band for a little while. And I thought I was pretty fly. I loved to write. It was the way I vented.
As I've gotten older, I've found new releases. Cooking, crafting, shopping. More adult things, I guess. But last night while listening to Lady Antebellum (my new favorite), I was given a burst to write again. And I did. I wrote a poem that I am actually very proud of. It is called Not This Way. It's a story written in very short lines about losing someone in a way you never imagined it would happen.
So, in light of this post, here is my truth. I'm single. I have been for a little while now. I did something incredably awful and lost the love of my life. Don't feel sorry for me, I don't want pitty. I take full responsibility for what I did. This whole experience has really opened my eyes. I have not been living the way I want to. I have not been a good person. I've contacted person after person I feel deserves apologies from me. Some were recieved, some not even answered. I'm okay with that.
God is convicting me, growing me, and changing me. And despite what I have lost in this life, I know my reward will be in Heaven. I know my Savior went to the pits of the earth to save my soul. I know everything I have lost in this life is really a gain for Christ. I believe God is good despite where I stand. I believe God is for my good and will fight for me. The Psalms are beautiful. And they reflect my heart and desire to fully follow the Lord. Everything else is meaningless to me.