Sometimes I wonder if I'm faking it. I wonder when I will be exposed for faking it.
In high school, on dance team, when I couldn't get a move just right I'd fake it til I made it. This doesn't quite work anymore...now I have to figure out how to actually do it, and I don't know how. I don't know how to be an adult. I'm just trying and miserably failing.
I look at "normal" events as things that would never happen to me. Ya know, graduation, getting married, having babies, etc etc. I don't know why I look at them that way, but I do. I just feel so out of the norm that I don't see the possibility that those things would actually be part of my life. I took a VARK learning styles assessment for one of my classes today and I realized how I have one of the hardest learning styles out there. I feel like things don't come as easily to me as they do other people. I feel like I have to go the extra mile just to do average in things. Sometimes this makes me not try. But I don't want the odds to keep me from trying, from doing my best, and searching to glorify God even in the mundane.
So again, I wonder, and I just faking my way through life? I don't want to. And I really hope I'm not.